Episode #173

How To Have A Mental Health Tuneup

It’s good to pause from time to time and think about where your mental health may need a bit of a tuneup.

Join me, Dr Julie, as we talk about how to tune into what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, and how to use CBT tools to reframe those thoughts and feelings positively.

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi, and welcome to My CBT Podcast. This is Dr. Julie. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

Hope everyone's doing well. Hope the holidays are going smooth for you. I want to start off with a really wonderful email I received from a listener, and it actually is titled such a wonderful episode.

So it says,

“Hi, Dr. Julie,

“I just listened your latest podcast, Number 171, Fear and CBT, and wanted to drop you a quick note on how helpful and clear this particular episode was. I make the time to listen to most of your wonderful podcast and get so much out of the episodes. There's usually a nugget or two that I will write down in my journal, and these are so helpful to page through as part of my ongoing work and staying current with my CBT tools and strategies. I thought this episode was incredibly empowering and really put such a positive spin on the concept of pushing through difficult circumstances to find the best version of ourselves. Who doesn't want to be our best?"

“Really good stuff that especially spoke to me today. I am doing well and using my tools to navigate life's challenges as they come. I feel these days stronger than I ever have, and I am so grateful. My relationship with my mom still pushes me, but I have come to view it as part of my story and experience of making me who I am today. The fear I have about potentially relapsing and feeling too anxious again is absolutely manageable, and I'm working to embrace it. I know that it exists because I care that much. I hope you are all well, and I wish you and your family a beautiful holiday season. Ps, I ordered a mug!

“All my best, Julie.”

She got a good name, just like me, named after me. There's so many things in this email. And again, thanks, Julie, for sharing and reaching out to me. There's so many good things in this email I wanted to say that you can see where she's using her tools. She's reframing how she sees her relationship with her mom and has come to see it as part of her story and the experience making her who she is today.

That is reframing. Saying that the fear that she has about potentially relapsing and too anxious is manageable and working to embrace it. That's also positive reframing. What does this say about her? Is that's how much she cares about her own well-being, that she knows it will come up and she knows she can manage it. So there's just a lot of great things. And again, I'm really glad the episode on fear was so helpful. I've had a lot of good response, actually, from that episode. A lot of people really enjoyed it, which touches my heart, which I'm really glad that it made a difference. I think it's a big issue for everybody, and especially with the holidays here. When she mentioned about her mom, a lot of us are going to maybe be seeing family that we might not see often or we I have issues with. We just have to work dealing with all those feelings. If you're choosing to see these individuals, you want to always focus on what control do I have over the situation. I always tell people, You always have choices, even if you don't like them, just because you don't like your choices.

I mean, you don't have one, right? So how am I going to handle the situation instead of just hoping they would be different or they wouldn't bring certain topics up because we can't control anybody, right? So what am I going to do to be able to manage it better so I feel more empowered and I feel better about things? So this email covered a lot of stuff, and that's why I wanted to share it, and she gave me permission. So again, keep sending your emails to me, and they're really helpful to me. And sometimes I share them on my podcast. It can be helpful to others. And we can all be here to support each other together. So what I wanted to do was a Dr. Julie mental health tune-up. So it's the end of the year, and I thought, we always can use a little tune up, right? And let's go over some things that can keep us healthy. And I'll be sharing, of course, CBT tools along the way that you can do this as well. And there's so much more research coming out talking about ways to maintain our mental and physical health, right?

Which I'm sure you guys see all the time. I get little stuff in my email, this and that, and try my stuff and try this thing or breathe this way. So you always want to find what's going to work for you. And so going through your daily issues, your daily moods, your daily thoughts that you all have, you want to pick some habits that can really make a difference for you. My favorite habit is asking myself, Am I making decisions based on what's best for me or how I feel? So that one's always a go-to that you can go to. But let's talk about some different ones, and then you can decide what you want to try. So the first one they talk about is self-taught. This is really all CBT. It's identifying your hot thoughts. Remember, we have about 80,000 thoughts a day, and we don't really know what we're thinking. We're just reacting off how we're feeling. But we're doing a lot of self-taught that we're just not aware of. So remember, how do I figure that out? I want to be in tune to how I'm feeling. And when I have a negative mood, I want to ask myself, What am I thinking that's making me feel this way?

And then figure out, is that a hot thought, which is a thought that's not 100% true? And then be able to challenge that. So the self-talk a lot of times is being self-critical. A lot of people spend time regretting things they've said in conversations or decisions they've made in the past. And we all have those moments like, Oh, I wish I didn't say that. I wish I said it differently. I wish I didn't do that. I wish I didn't go out with that person. I wish I didn't say yes when I wanted to say no. But we don't want to sit there and ruminate and do all this negative self-talk to ourselves because it's just going to make us feel really in your head. Think about being in this constant conversation with yourself, but you're not really addressing it. You're just having this negative conversation in your head, and it really makes you feel bad. People do ruminate about a lot of things. I have a podcast on rumination if you want to listen to it. The research shows that when you ruminate, you actually get more depressed and you don't feel any better because you're not actually fixing anything.

You're just ruminating and thinking and thinking, and thinking, and thinking about the same thing. Because that's what we do. We get fixed on our negative thoughts. So a lot of the research shows that there's some small steps you can take to get out of that rut. So even just taking a minute, doing some word games, listening to music, reading some books that maybe aren't about self-help, but just a novel you can get lost in. Watching certain movies. I love watching movies. I love getting taken into a different story and getting caught up in all of that. And part of this, another tool that I teach my clients is I call a worry time. So if you are worried about something or you feel like, I got to think about this, I can't just ignore it, which I don't want you to just do that either because we want to fix problems. But if the self-taught is just going over and over and nothing seems to get better, then you get to pick 10 to 20 minutes a day where you get to worry about everything. Everything, everything, everything. So I want you to literally set Timer, 10 to 20 minutes, no more than 20 minutes, that it's like, Oh, this is my time.

I get to think about everything. I'm thinking about stuff that I'm thinking I'm going to fix it when I'm really not, but I'm going to put everything in my head that's bothering me. And then after the 20 minutes or less, maybe, time might go. After a while, a lot of people are like, Yeah, I don't really need to do this anymore, but it feels good in the moment, right? That once you're done with your 20 minutes, you need to move on with your day. So you do get to think about it, but I don't want you thinking about all day long. And I don't want you having this negative self-taught all day long. And that's what a lot of us are doing, and you need to be more mindful about this. Also, just trying to get some distance, right? When you really feel some strong moods and that anxiety is peaking or feeling overwhelmed, it's just going to make you feel worse, right? So you want to remember, as always, that feelings aren't facts, right? Our self-talk is our anxiety, and we overreact, and we tend to go to the catastrophic thinking, which doesn't help anything.

It gets stuck in our head, and we really want to use our CPT tools. That's where you're going to say, Okay, if it's a hot thought, where's the evidence is supported? Is this thought even useful? Am I just replaying old thoughts that I think I need to figure out when I really don't? When you can really identify and reframe your thinking and identify the catastrophic thoughts and interrupt this whole process is when you can really start using your tools and start feeling different. The recent research shows that people who use CBT can reshape their interpretation of thoughts, and then you end up recovering more effectively from the stress in your life and things that are going on. You also want to practice some self-compassion. There's also a lot of research on that, too. It says that when you can be more self-compassionate, that you're going to lower your anxiety, you're going to feel less depressed, and you're going to feel stronger in your ability to be able to handle things in your life and also to bounce back after you have setbacks. So when you can have some self-compassion, it's not going to take you so long to get out of that anxiety and depression.

When you can really say, Okay, these are a bunch of hot thoughts that I'm a failure, that I screwed up, that they're never going to forget what I said, or I'm ever going to make good decision because I made a bad one in the past. I'm going to be like, Okay, these are all my hot thoughts. I don't have much evidence to support them. I'm coming up with new thoughts to balance them out. I'm going to be able to bounce back quicker. I'm not going to be depressed or anxious for another week or two weeks or a month. It's like, Yeah, I had a one day, I gave into all of that, but now I'm moving on and I'm thinking differently, and I'm not letting my moods affect how I feel and control my life. And also, which I talk to my clients about a lot, too, is you really want to focus on the wins in your life. We really can focus on the losses quite easily. I did this, I screwed that up, I screwed that up. But it's really important to also say, wow, this really went well, and that went well.

I did this today, I did that today. And really recognize the small things. We're not looking, everything doesn't have to be huge, but just said, You know what? I worked out today. I took good care of myself. I said no, and they wanted me to say yes about something. So you really want to focus on the wins, and you're going to Notice that you have a lot more wins than not. And affirming that if you're nervous about something or doing something you're scared afterwards, to remind yourself that you're safe. Focus your mindfulness, right? Helping yourself be more present. Paying attention to the world around you better. Practicing your breathing exercises, stretching your body. These are all wins that you can do on a daily basis. It can be the small stuff that really makes a difference, right? So another thing for your mental health checkup is how connected are you in the world with others? And do you have enough support in your life? Are your relationship strong? Do you have people you care about, people that you trust? Do you have people that you know will be there for you no matter what? Are you feeling lonely?

Do you feel like you need some more friends or you need to say yes, maybe, and not always know sometimes, to people inviting you and going doing things, right? When we're not in a good mood, we tend to be like, No, I don't feel like it, or I might not be up to it when the time comes. I'm just like, Say yes to things in your life. If you need to cancel, you can cancel. But you don't want to isolate yourself because that just feeds into your loneliness, right? Because we do know when you spend time with your partner, or with your friends, or with your family, it definitely helps your mood, and it can lower your stress as well. And in the long run, they say you can even live longer, right? When you have more support in your life, which I totally believe. And it's not just what am I getting from others, but what am I giving back, right? So when we give back to others, when we're being of service, we also get back at the same time, which I think sometimes we get forgetful about this when we're not in a good place.

Like, I'm not even in a good place. How could I be there for somebody else? But sometimes that's exactly what you need to do. A lot of times it's easier to be there for other people than to be with ourselves. Going back to having this himself, compassion, but how can I be of service? So the research shows that people who purposefully try to help someone feel better, the research says that it really helps our emotions and helps us feel better, and it even lowers our stress response. So it's something to think about. Am I being of service? And if I haven't been, what can I do? And especially during the holidays, maybe a way to volunteer, go buy some toys and donate them to some children that aren't going to get Christmases, donate to some food banks so families can have a nice meal. There's lots of ways you can be of service, especially during the holidays, but all year long as well. And then regarding being lonely, you want to find your friends, right? And as adults, it is harder to make friends. That is true, especially if you're not finding them at work or say, a lot of people work from home now, so they've lost that opportunity to meet people in the workplace.

I have a lot of friends that I met through jobs I've had in the past. So I got lucky. I have some good neighbors. Not everybody has neighbors they connect with, right? So to find the friends, you really have to make that effort. And you want to find friends that you have some like-mindedness with, right? Something you have in common. So if you can find an activity to do, right? Or maybe with the volunteering, you might meet other people there that, again, you're going to be on the same page because you're both there wanting to give back. And being consistent with showing up makes a big difference. A big difference. People who believe friendships develop based on luck, the research says they're more likely to consistently experience loneliness and less likely to put the effort in because you're just waiting for, Oh, maybe I'll be lucky to meet somebody. You got to put yourself out there, you guys. No one's going to be knocking on your door saying, You're looking for a friend today. You got to show up and you got to smile and you to give some good eye contact. And you want to say, Yeah, I'm interested in getting together.

What opportunities? What things are you guys doing? So that's really important. So think about that and if that's something you want to work on. When you go into a new situation wanting to make friends and you believe that people will like me and this is going to work, you are going to be more friendly, you're going to be more warm, and you're going to bring more people into your space. So really, the more you assume people will like you, it actually affects your behavior and you'll be friendlier and then more likable. People are going to be like, Oh, I want to go I want to go meet Julie. She's smiling, she's laughing, she's talking. Let's see what's going on over there. I want to get to know her a little better. There's that attraction just by seeing other people being engaged. So that's really important also. And also, when you make a new friend, let them know. I've had a couple of new friends this year, and I've let them know that, you know what? I'm really glad we're friends, and I really want to nurture this relationship. I really appreciate when they're reaching out to me going, Hey, are you free for a coffee or let's just take a walk?

I have an hour. You got some time to get together? It doesn't have to be some big planned weekend thing, but just touching in. My friend brought me some wonderful blueberry muffins last week. That was super sweet. Little things like that. So when you're friends with somebody, it doesn't have to be the new friends, but also the new, the old. Remind people that their friendship really means something to you and you really want to nurture that and continue to build that. People really feel good when they hear that because I don't think enough people say that. They just assume like, Oh, we're friends. I don't need to let them know what that means to me. But it's really important to do that. Another tune up is your stress and your conflict management. Are you someone that gets angry really easily? Do You often feel overwhelmed. A lot of my clients feel overwhelmed and just mentally exhausted. Are you a procrastinator? Do you not want to deal with important tasks or making that effort again to connect with other people? So how are you dealing with your stress and how do you manage the conflict in your lives?

So it's really important to know that the more strongly you believe that your actions, and not outside, forces determine your future, the more likely you'll be eager to engage in healthy behaviors. So again, this goes back to your thinking. Your beliefs are your thoughts also. So I believe, and I believe this, that if I'm making decisions based on what's best for me, then I'm going to be more eager to have healthy behaviors, and hopefully do better in my work, do better in my relationships, get more involved in my community because I believe those are the choices I'm making and I have control over that. I'm not waiting for other people to make those choices. So when you're feeling anxious, when you're feeling stressed, your body, your thoughts, your mind are going to try to avoid this. Like, Oh, that's uncomfortable. That's going to make me feel anxious. I don't want to deal with that. But maybe that's exactly where you need to go forward. And let me address these things so then I don't have the conflict and it's not just weighing on me because it just makes things worse and worse. So I understand it's like, Oh, wow, I'm short of breath or my heart's beating fast.

This is uncomfortable. Why am I feeling so uncomfortable? And sometimes we can change behaviors quicker than thoughts. So I tell people, if you're really struggling, identifying your hot thoughts and really using the thought record at the moment, just change the behavior. Just do it. Just go take that first step. Go say hello or say, Hey, I want to talk to you about something. I think we have a misunderstanding understanding. And then once you address it, it'll probably work out okay, most likely. Then you can be like, That's not weighing on me anymore. That's how I'm addressing my conflict. I'm decreasing my stress. Also, you want to recognize, which is one of the cognitive distortions is blame. Am I blaming myself? Am I blaming others? You want to notice what your thoughts are regarding that because that's going to really get in the way of addressing your conflict. And if you're blaming others, then nothing's going to change. But if you can focus on what you can control and the choices you want to make, that's going to help you let go of what they're doing and help you decide how do I want to handle the situation based on what I know is best for me.

So that's also important to do when you're trying to deal with stress and conflict. And as always, you don't want to just be reactive, right? You want to be like, Okay, I want to just do this. I want to say that, or they should know better, all those hot thoughts that we have, right? To like, Okay, let's stop and breathe, pause and breathe. I'm not going to be reactive. I'm going to think this through and say, How do I really want to handle this? I'm going to go take a walk and think it through. When I come back, I'm probably going to be thinking and feeling different and maybe have a whole different game plan than I had just 20 minutes ago. So you really want to take time to do that. Also, it is true, at least here in the United States, I'm sure around the world, but more here, it seems like recently with all the conflict with how we all feel differently about politics and how people have cut people off in families and all of those. That was my last podcast. I talk about family estrangement, but it's a real thing.

And for us to start shifting our thinking, right? Is that just because you're having a conversation with someone and you have different points of view, of course, you don't have to agree with them, but you also don't have to give up your own values to be able to stay in the conversation, right? You don't have to feel bad about yourself. You don't have to shut down. You don't have to feel ashamed because your views are different. If you're willing to listen and just say, Okay, I see what you're saying, but my views are different. We can agree to disagree. Be engaged, try to understand, maybe find some similarities, if that's possible. Just be more aware of that and not just avoid, avoid, avoid, because we're all doing that a lot more. And it's not working in the big picture. And if we can be engaged a little bit and have some conversations, and maybe find some other similarities in the relationship and stay away from things that maybe really rattle us. There's other ways to have relationships. It doesn't have to just be this black and white thinking that a lot of us have. So just think about that also.

And I wanted to share something that the professor at the University of Connecticut, her name is Sherry Pagado, came up with something called Explore your Roots, R-O-O-T-S. And it's really doing a life assessment. So Roots is Relationships, Occupation, Job or School, ongoing Growth, Hobbies, Creative Pursuits, Tasks, Taking care of Home and Belongings, and Self-care. So I'll say that one more time. Roots stands for Relationships, occupation, ongoing growth, tasks, and self-care. She says to evaluate each area with two scores from 1-10 based on the extent to which you experience a sense of mastery of these things and then derive a sense of pleasure from them. The goal is to identify areas in which you experience too little pleasure or mastery as these become doors through which depression, anxiety can enter. And when you identify a problematic area, set goals to improve it. So if your job is on the low end, you want to find ways to make that better. Other things in your life are like, I don't really like doing this. How are ways that I can still find ways to cope so I can get things done that need to be done? So I just wanted to share that little acronym that we can use to do this life assessment, this mental health checkup I'm talking about today.

These are things to look at in your life. So I wanted to share the professor, and I'm getting some for this information. I always like to share from an article, again, in psychology today. I know I've been talking about them a lot lately, but it's the July, August edition if you want to look it up. But I just want to give credit where credit is due. And it gave me this idea to do this mental health checkup because I think it's a really good way to look at our year, how did our year go, What are our goals going forward? And look at all the areas in my life. And the last one I want to talk about today is purpose, right? How are you doing regarding your life purpose? Do you believe that you have a purpose in your life? Do you think that there's meaning? Does your current direction, your current purpose align with the values that matter to you most? Or are you just following somebody else's lead? And every day, do you feel like what you're doing are things you want to do and that they're worthwhile in your life. Because the more meaning we can get from our lives, the happier we'll be, we'll be more productive, and it'll be easier to deal with all these other things I've been talking about.

So there's lots of values that we can look at in our lives. And if you just pick two or three that matter to you most, brainstorm, There's lists on the internet. You can look up for a list of values and really go through this list and really say, What's really important to me? What are the things I'm already focusing on? Maybe there's some values that, Wow, that's important to me, but I don't really think I'm incorporating them into my life today. And that would really give me some more purpose. That's something that would be really interesting to do. So again, the author, Brené Brown, I know has a huge list of values. You could look her up. And again, I'm sure on the internet, there's many more. But I use her list when I work with my clients. It's a very good list. And it helps people think about, I do all these other things, but what are my real core values. And you know what? I'm actually not focusing on those that I want to. So that's a really good way to figure out what is my purpose in my life. And it can come from your everyday activities.

Taking care of your family, making food for them or a neighbor. Some people are really creative. Some people love being in nature. I love going to the beach. Some people love taking hikes. And we tend to minimize these daily activities as part of your purpose in life, but they can be really grounding, and you don't want to take them for granted. You want to be like, Oh, yeah. You know what? Maybe actually you are living your purpose more than you even realize because you are doing these everyday activities. And it's overall your life satisfaction you want to look at. So you want to take a moment and say, what does bring me pleasure in my life? What do I feel good about? What makes me feel proud of myself? What makes meaning in my life for me? And maybe you're already there, which is great. Maybe you want to add to it. Maybe you want to back off. Maybe you say, I want to try some other things, too, that are important to me. But you want to, again, just maybe look at two or three so you don't get overwhelmed. I don't want you to be like, Oh, I have all these new things I want to do because it's all value and my purpose.

You want to be a little clear about it. But again, it's something to take some time to figure out what are your values that are going to give you some meaning and purpose in your life. And then once you figure out that purpose for your life, then you want to start building on it. It's not just like, Oh, yeah, that's my purpose. Those are my values. How can I build on it? How can I bring it into my world more? What are things I can do? What are some people I want to meet or build the friendship of more like I was talking about earlier? What things really get you excited and energize you for the day? Hope you get out of bed. Right? And again, you don't have to figure it all out. I don't want this to cause more stress and pressure. I just want you to be mindful of, am I living in purpose? And is that something I want to do. You don't have to even do that. But if you do, these are some ways to start figuring out. And you can make it small and work up to something bigger.

If you're not even sure what that is. And again, I don't want you to feel overwhelmed. Again, it's just these daily activities. Be like, Yeah, that really brings some purpose to me. So a lot of good stuff to think about. And then, of course, just one last thing I do want to touch on is your self-care. I want to make sure you're getting good sleep. I want to make sure you're moving every day, move your body. I want to make sure you're eating pretty healthy. All these daily habits really help us in the long run. And whatever is going to come our way, because we're all going to have some health stuff, the better health you are in when you get diagnosed with something, or maybe a surgery comes up or something, the better you're going to heal afterwards. So don't be one of those people that says, Oh, now I'm going to get in shape because now I have to do this surgery. It's like, Start doing it now so maybe you can avoid something, or when it does happen, you're going to be ready for it and your body is going to be ready for it.

It's so true. Trust me, I've had enough things. I've had it go through that Every doctor has always said, because you're in good health and you're already exercising, all those things, that is probably why you healed as well as you did, maybe as quickly as you did. So I keep that in mind all the time when I don't feel like going to the gym, but I do because I know it's best for me because I want to be ready for whatever comes my way and makes me feel good every day also. I want to find ways to feel good on a daily basis. And I know, too, in some... What do I want to say? In some cultures, in some workplaces, many times people think it's cool, like, Oh, I only need five hours. But that's really not cool. Don't think sleep deprivation is something to brag about, because it's not. Your body needs sleep. Now, I'm not saying everybody needs the same amount, but in general, when you're sleep and your body is healing, regenerating, there's a lot of good stuff going on. And it's not something that you think people are going to admire you because you're like, Well, I don't sleep much.

And then, Oh, I just drink coffee, and then I work 12-hour days. I'm like, Oh, that's not good. I can't feel sad for you. Let's focus more on the self-care. You can still work really hard. That's a great thing. Reach your goals. But also the self-care, again, of sleep. Sleep is the number one most important thing. I have a podcast, I think it's called A Good Night's Sleep, and it talks about what sleep hygiene is, and that might be something to review if you're struggling with sleep or if you're not allowing yourself to sleep enough. It's really important. Your daily decision making is affected, being emotionally stable, all of that. I know when I'm sleep-deprived, I'm not having a good day. And I can be shorter and I can't focus, shorter with people with my responses, and I'm not focusing as well. I'm more irritable. It's just like, and I'm just not enjoying my day as much. So it's a real thing. And just be honest with yourself, right? If you're like, Oh, I'm going to stay up an extra two hours to continue to binge watch something that I can watch tomorrow. Ask yourself, Am I going to feel good tomorrow if I do this?

Is it going to affect my day? And is this really what I want for myself? Again, making decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel. I feel like watching this show. I'm sure you do. Sometimes I do. But it's not going to be what's best. I'm turning it off, I'm getting my rest, and I can watch it again tomorrow. Then again, doing all the other things I mentioned as well. Eating healthy, stretching, moving, being engaged with others, being honest in addressing the stress in our lives, managing our conflict better. All the things I talked about today are going to put you in a much better place. And you can start today, which is really cool. So I'm just going to go over the highlights really quick for our mental health tune up. Be mindful, of course, number one, of what we're thinking, how we're talking to ourselves, identifying those hot thoughts, challenging them, having better balanced thinking. Am I connecting with others in my life? Do I have the support that I need? How am I dealing with my stress? How am I dealing with conflicts in my life? What is my purpose?

And then what are my everyday habits to keep me in a good place? So these are the things to think about. Maybe write those down and work through those and say, some of them you might be like, Oh, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, this is something I want to work on. Or there's a couple of things, whatever it is that fits for you. You can use all your CBT tools regarding identifying your hot thoughts, changing the way you're thinking, changing your behaviors, taking better care of yourself physically, using some breathing exercises, some relaxation exercises, meditation. All of this is part of CBT, the mindfulness. It's all part of that because remember, it all comes down to how we're thinking, which affects our moods, our behaviors, our physical reactions. So again, I wish you a really happy holiday if you're celebrating. I wish you a great day. I hope that you will start taking better care of yourself, increase your self-compassion. Think about how you can be of service as well. And share this with anyone who you think may benefit.

So you guys know how you can find me on my website at mycognitivebehaviouraltherapy.com.

You can also find me on Instagram under MyCBT podcast and on Facebook at Dr. Julie Osborne.

Please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing from you and getting your feedback.

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